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The Divorce Attorney Journal

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Divorce Attorney Journal

2 weeksago
Actors Jason Momoa and Lisa Bonet recently shared the news of their divorce after 16 years together and two children. While splits among celebrities are hardly rare, their statements about their uncoupling seem to indicate that maintaining a healthy marriage amid a global pandemic was...
4 weeksago
January has long been known as divorce month. Any Michigan divorce attorney will tell you that there is typically an increase in couples choosing to make their split official after the holidays. One element of this reality that is changing, however, is that there are...
March 8, 2016
6 yearsago

contempt couple fightingMost people do not enter into a marriage thinking about divorce. You likely focus on the present and dream about future. You feel joy (hopefully) and are optimistic about the good times ahead. (Though a case of cold feet could indicate certain doom.) But along the way, in every marriage, there are bumps. Speed bumps, hills, and some serious mountains. Some couples hurdle these obstacles together. Others do not. And, as it turns out, there seems to be one main reason why some couples don’t make it for the long haul: contempt. 

The couples who Facebook together stay together… sometimes >>

In Good Times and In Bad

Who doesn’t want to know the magic solution to preventing divorce? If we could bottle love and keep it on tap so nothing could ever contaminate it, why wouldn’t we? Turns out, though, it’s one particular emotion that’s damaging our amorous feelings, at least according to Dr. John Gottman, marriage therapist and researcher from The Gottman Institute. Gottman has spent four decades studying couples in an effort to truly determine what causes fissures between people and how to resolve these problems. The number one pattern among couples that predicted divorce was contempt.

The definition of contempt is “the feeling with which a person regards anything considered mean, vile, or worthless.” Contempt has synonyms like hatred, antipathy, derision, distaste, and scorn. Any of these emotions directed at your significant other are not a good thing.

But perhaps it can be argued that if you’re feeling this strongly about a person, there might still be some love there to find. After all, apathy is the opposite of caring and passion. If your spouse makes you want to strangle him, you’re certainly not completely apathetic and uncaring about him and whatever he does or says.

Study says: Not getting a divorce could kill you >>

Overcome Contempt to Save Your Marriage

Even if you’re rolling your eyes at your partner right now and feeling pretty disgusted or negative toward him, that doesn’t mean divorce is your fate. It’s important to know why contempt occurs, how to recognize it in your spouse and yourself, and of course, if you want to avoid divorce, how to put a stop to it:

  • Turn down the heat. You know there’s that one issue – spending, your in-laws, Chinese or pizza – that you and your spouse argue about repeatedly with no satisfactory resolution. This is normal. The problem occurs when how you handle the matter evolves into contempt. You can argue fairly, honestly, and openly with your spouse and still respect his or her opinion even though you differ. Or you can criticize your spouse, stonewall, get defensive, or act contemptuously. These “heated” render you incapable of hearing your partner or maintaining your sense of humor. Make an effort to recognize your temperature shooting off the charts, then take a breather and return to each other later to discuss the matter civilly.
  • Keep talking. When you reach the point where neither of you is willing to even discuss the issue that’s fracturing your relationship, then that’s a problem. Fire is better than ice, and even if talking about a difficult subject is excruciating, it’s better to fight than give up completely. Disengaging from your spouse is a certain ingredient in divorce.
  • Watch yourself. Teens roll their eyes. Spouses should not. Eye rolling, sneering, and passive-aggressive comments are surefire signs that you’re over whatever is on the table for discussion. And it’s a sign that you could use some intervention in the way of a therapist, counselor, or, in many cases, a Michigan divorce attorney.
  • Compromise. Remember that you and your spouse are two very different people, and marriage is about love, yes, but it’s also about compromise. If you’re feeling contemptuous about what you’re feeling forced to do or say, evaluate your emotions – and remind yourself that you’re doing this for the one you love. And you’re not “losing” by doing that, you’re winning at your marriage.

Divorce lessons: 4 revelations about life after divorce >>

Contemplating divorce? Remember that life will never be the same again. Divorce is not a matter to take lightly. If you need the counsel of an experienced Michigan divorce attorney, contact Femminineo Attorneys in Mt. Clemens, MI, to schedule your no-cost initial interview today.

What makes us the right divorce attorneys for you?

Family Law Expertise

Most lawyers are in a general practice and do some of everything. One of our main focuses is on Family law and being expert at divorce, custody and support matters.

Strong Relationships

We are in court daily, working with the family court judges, their staff and clerks, the Friend of the Court office, the Bar Association and other attorneys working in this area. We pride ourselves on fighting hard for our clients while working well with everyone.


Our extensive experience and strong relationship with the courts and our peers leads many judges and attorneys to hire us to act as Mediators in other Family Law cases. Make no mistake; having a strong working relationship with the court can have a massive impact on your case. Unlike most attorneys, we have no fear of the court room and are in trial regularly against the best in the business. We see the judges every week and maintain strong ties with their staff.

We Care

Although every attorney can “handle” your case, Femminineo Attorneys cares about you and your family. We work extremely hard to keep this difficult process civil and to shelter your children from as much of the negative facets as possible.


Once your case is concluded, we will be there to help you with any post-judgment problems that may arise.


Everyone’s financial situation is different and we work with our clients to formulate a fee arrangement that works within your means.


We have handled every possible situation involving domestic law. We will do everything possible to wrap up your case in a timely manner, avoiding delays that cause unnecessary legal fees.


When your case cannot be easily solved, we will fight hard and use all of our resources to win. Unlike most attorneys, we have no fear of the court room and we regularly win cases against the best in the business at trial.

Expert Staff

Unlike many attorneys who have a part-time typist and work 30 hours a week, we have an expert staff available all day long to assist you and provide immediate service.

Personal Service

At Femminineo Attorneys, your case will be handled by an experienced family law attorney. Each of our attorneys in our family law division has many years of experience in handling family law matters.

We encourage you to see these differences for yourself and call today to speak with one of our partners or schedule a free consultation at our office.

During traditional business hours, please call us at: (586) 954-9500

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