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When you are getting a divorce, if you have children the split will be that much harder. It doesn’t matter if your children are adults and living their own lives, teens who act like they don’t care, or toddlers who don’t quite understand what’s happening. Divorce is brutal, challenging, and it creates emotions – in children especially – that they may not have expected and, frankly, may not be prepared to cope with.
When you break the divorce news to your kids – a conversation that all of you will vividly remember for the rest of your lives – keep these things in mind:
1. Pull yourself together.
You don’t have to pretend to your children that everything is a-ok when you tell them that their parents are splitting up, but don’t approach them when you’re feeling especially weepy or angry so that they don’t feel the burden of your emotions. This isn’t to say you should be a robot and not cry at all – it’s perfectly fine for your kids to realize that you are affected by this change. And your children will take their cues from you – strength is good, stoicism is inadvisable.
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2. Accept their response.
Let your children know they have permission to feel their feelings. They can be mad at you or mad at your partner. They can be sad. Emotionless. They may want to talk. They may have nothing to say. Emotions can go in any direction. You have to expect that your child may not react as you anticipated. Know that there is no right way to respond to this brutal news. And all you can do is be patient and understanding.
3. Reinforce that your divorce has nothing to do with your kids.
It is a natural reaction for children to blame themselves when their parents split up. Reinforce to your children that they are not at fault for what is happening in your relationship. They will be affected by the divorce, but it is not occurring because of them.
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4. Don’t give them all the details.
Depending on the ages of your children, they may have more questions or fewer questions about your divorce. Be honest, but remember that they don’t need to know all the dirty details, especially very young children, and especially if infidelity or other problems are part of the split.
5. But be specific.
Make sure you use the words “divorce” and “separation.” Don’t sugarcoat the situation to lessen the impact of the news. Be clear. Be brief. Be straightforward. Use age-appropriate language that gets the message across about the facts, as uncomfortable and unpleasant as it may be.
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6. Pick a good time.
Don’t use your typical Saturday family movie night to break the divorce news. Try to avoid delivering the information around a holiday, birthday, special occasion, or before the big game or an important exam. This is a memorable conversation, whether you like it or not. Pick a day when divorce news will not cloud more pleasant memories and a time when you will be very available to support your child and give him time to process the news.
7. Let them know the plan.
Kids thrive on schedules and routines. And when divorce news comes crashing down on them they will begin worrying about where everyone is going to live, if they have to change schools, what will happen to their extracurricular activities and time with their friends, what about college, and so on down the line. You should address with your children how life will be different, but it’s also critical to let them know what will stay the same.
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If you’re not ready to tell your kids about your divorce, visit a Michigan divorce attorney first. Feeling like the wheels are in motion and you have facts to go on, dates, and information can help you feel a sense of control over the situation. And that can help ease the difficulty of imparting this news to your kids. Contact an experienced Michigan divorce attorney at Femminineo Attorneys in Mt. Clemens, MI, to schedule your free initial interview.
Most lawyers are in a general practice and do some of everything. One of our main focuses is on Family law and being expert at divorce, custody and support matters.
We are in court daily, working with the family court judges, their staff and clerks, the Friend of the Court office, the Bar Association and other attorneys working in this area. We pride ourselves on fighting hard for our clients while working well with everyone.
Our extensive experience and strong relationship with the courts and our peers leads many judges and attorneys to hire us to act as Mediators in other Family Law cases. Make no mistake; having a strong working relationship with the court can have a massive impact on your case. Unlike most attorneys, we have no fear of the court room and are in trial regularly against the best in the business. We see the judges every week and maintain strong ties with their staff.
Although every attorney can “handle” your case, Femminineo Attorneys cares about you and your family. We work extremely hard to keep this difficult process civil and to shelter your children from as much of the negative facets as possible.
Once your case is concluded, we will be there to help you with any post-judgment problems that may arise.
Everyone’s financial situation is different and we work with our clients to formulate a fee arrangement that works within your means.
We have handled every possible situation involving domestic law. We will do everything possible to wrap up your case in a timely manner, avoiding delays that cause unnecessary legal fees.
When your case cannot be easily solved, we will fight hard and use all of our resources to win. Unlike most attorneys, we have no fear of the court room and we regularly win cases against the best in the business at trial.
Unlike many attorneys who have a part-time typist and work 30 hours a week, we have an expert staff available all day long to assist you and provide immediate service. We are available to our clients 24 hours a day through our hot line at 586-854-3654.
At Femminineo Attorneys, your case will be handled by an experienced family law attorney. Each of our attorneys in our family law division has many years of experience in handling family law matters.
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The information presented within this website is for general information purposes and is NOT and should not be considered as being “legal advice”. You should not act on any information presented herein without the verifying same with your attorney.