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    3 Drawbacks of Staying Married for the Kids

    staying married for the kids femminineo divorce michigan

    Once couples become parents, kids factor into every decision, even the decision to stay together when it might be healthier to get a divorce. Staying married for the kids may be thought of as the right choice to make for the sake of your family, to simplify money challenges and multiple households and varying schedules, but staying together for your children can do more harm than good for everyone.

    1. Children Withdraw from Both Parents

    Couples who can’t manage to get along and aren’t in an amicable relationship will be hard-pressed to hide their difficulties with each other from their minor children. You may not realize it, but at some point you may turn to your child and try to turn them into an ally in the house, in your partnership against the other parent.

    This dysfunctional dynamic should not be part of the parent-child relationship. Kids will recognize that they’ve intentionally been put in the middle of their parents’ union and either consciously or unconsciously withdraw from one or both parents.

    2. There Is No Model of a Healthy Relationship

    Staying married for the kids may seem like the generous thing to do, even the brave thing to do because divorce is hard no matter how you enter it. What actually happens is that children witness a relationship that isn’t healthy. There doesn’t have to be a lot of conflict between parents for divorce to be imminent. Kids pick up on the undertones of a relationship – the disconnect, unhappiness, contempt, frustration. Adults may rise above, so they think, but their success rate is skewed.

    Marriages that are visibly destructive and include avoidance, withdrawal, or poor communication impact children, negatively affecting their abilities to develop good communication skills of their own or successful conflict resolution. If you want your kids to have healthy relationships throughout their lives, they need to witness happy parents, not ones who argue constantly or ice each other out. If comfortable, amicable moments do not exist in your marriage, a Michigan divorce may be the healthiest choice you can make.

    3. Kids Will Be Upset No Matter What

    Many couples choose to stay together while their children are young then file for divorce when the last kid is off to college. Gray divorces or late-in-life divorces are just as impactful on the emotional and mental health of kids than if their parents had called it quits while they were still young and living at home.

    Adult children of divorce are often angry that their parents waited so long to be truthful about their relationship. They may wonder if their childhood was a lie, or how life could have been different – perhaps even better? – if their parents had divorced when they were kids. Bottom line: They’ll be upset no matter what.

    Filing for Divorce When You Have Kids

    If you don’t know what to do about your marriage, if you think you’re ready to file for divorce but you’re concerned about the effect on your children, schedule a free initial consultation with Femminineo Attorneys’ family law experts. Contact our office to learn more about the reality of going through a divorce with children.

    Femminineo Law
    110 S Main St # 200
    Mt Clemens, MI 48043

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