Guilt is one of the many emotions people feel post-divorce. It’s natural to experience this state of being, but it’s definitely not healthy for guilt to be the dominant feeling most of the time. You don’t have to punish yourself post-divorce. Here’s how to see the bright side of your split.
It’s Not All on You
There are two people in a marriage. Both of your actions, reactions, and feelings impact the state of your union. You can learn from your mistakes, the mistakes of your ex, and move forward after your divorce with optimism knowing that you will work to do better for yourself and that you’re not 100% responsible for anything that happened in your marriage.
The Kids Don’t Hate You
Children have an amazing ability to make you feel guilty for what you did or did not do, especially if you’re already feeling guilty about getting a Michigan divorce. Here’s the reality: Your kids don’t hate you. What they hate is the situation, the circumstances you’re in. You are all dealing with a major life change.
Remember that you have done your family a favor by ending your marriage and eliminating the experience of everyone living together in a household full of venom and tension and unhappiness. That’s a gift for your kids and yourself, not a punishment. If you’re happier because of your divorce, your kids will notice – and they’ll be happier for you and with you too.
Enjoy the Opportunity to Start Over
During and after your divorce, it can feel like you’re living in limbo. Your home might be changing, your finances are certainly changing, your schedule is different, and you don’t have the same amount of time with your kids. These are normal post-divorce occurrences, but they can be a lot to handle all at once. If you can view this as a positive change rather than a punishment, you can establish a new sense of self post-divorce and see it as a gift.
Appreciate Financial Independence
If your ex was the one responsible for your finances and now you find yourself with this new task alone, don’t think of it as a burden, think of it as reclaiming what you once gave away. You know exactly what’s going on with the money in your household – what’s coming in, what’s going out, and how it’s spent. Embrace your financial independence post-divorce.
Put Yourself First
If your marriage has been ending for some time, there’s a good chance your focus has been on the relationship, what it lacks, and perhaps your energy has been focused on trying to save the marriage. It’s likely you haven’t put yourself first at all, especially if you‘ve been working to keep the kids happy and shielded from what’s going on. Now is the time to shift to putting yourself at the top of the list.
Parenting time alone will be life changing. Suddenly, there is time you never had before and can now fill with what you’ve long wanted to do but couldn’t because of your circumstances. You will miss your kids, of course, but a Michigan divorce works to evenly spread time between kids and both parents. Don’t feel guilty about this – make the most of having time to do exactly what you want to do.
Get support during your divorce from Femminineo Attorneys. Contact us today to schedule a consultation.