Couples may consider their union tight. They weather milestones together like buying a home, moving, the death of loved ones, and job changes. What some pairs are not prepared for is the diagnosis of a neurodivergent child. There are unique challenges that come with managing a child’s symptoms of autism, ADHD, dyslexia, or other neurodivergent conditions. Your unshakeable marriage could take a backseat and even lead to a Michigan divorce.
The Chances of Divorce When You Have a Neurodivergent Child
A study conducted among over 500 parents at the University of Pittsburgh found that parents of children with ADHD specifically are twice as likely to divorce by the time their child is eight years old, when compared to couples who do not have a child with ADHD. The study does not address a diagnosis in the teen years.
However, kids older than eight, whether they have ADHD or not, have parents with about the same rate of divorce. In short, the state of your marriage and likelihood of divorce seems to depend on you and your spouse’s behavior more than anything.
Marriage Problems That Come from Raising a Neurodivergent Child
There is no way to escape marital problems that arise because of a child’s neurodivergence – you can only acknowledge they exist and face them head on.
- Lack of knowledge. Neurodivergent children can no more control their brain than someone who is not neurodivergent. Taking classes, reading books and articles, speaking with a therapist – these efforts increase parents’ awareness of what’s happening and lead to targeted strategies that work better than raised voices or ignoring problems.
- Placing blame. One parent is not to blame for a neurodivergent diagnosis. Pointing the finger at each other in the face of your frustrations with your child’s needs will only eat away at your marriage. Accepting reality and celebrating your child’s strengths is healthier than focusing on differences.
- Arguing rather than discussing. The study from the University of Pittsburgh also found that couples with kids who have ADHD fight more often about child-rearing matters than couples without kids with ADHD. Identifying and agreeing on the same parenting approach can help.
Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage Amid Neurodivergence
A neurodivergent child needs a great deal of support and understanding. This is a chronic condition that does not go away, so it is necessary for couples to face the situation head on, even if you end up becoming divorced parents. Taking preventive measures to protect your union can help avoid divorce.
- Prioritize time together. Spend time with each other without the kids and without discussing neurodivergence.
- Set boundaries. Agree on rules that make sense to both of you, like not talking about neurodivergence at every meal or every ride in the car.
- Tweak the treatment plan. If your child has not had medication or therapy, new options can help them and, by default, your marriage.
Talk to a Michigan Divorce Lawyer
Life with a neurodivergent child is sweet, especially when you don’t make every day about their brain (if you can). It’s important to develop strategies to support your child and agree on methods of discipline while respecting your needs and your spouse’s.
If you feel like you and your partner will never overcome your parenting differences, contact Michigan Divorce Help in Mt. Clemens, MI, to schedule a consultation.
This blog post is not a substitute for legal advice.