Men and women are very different, and how they recover from a Michigan divorce is no exception. While women may be more likely to settle into the range of intense emotions that surround a divorce, a man may travel along on adrenaline until he lands on his feet again. By this time, he’s potentially met someone new, but the reality of his new normal is just hitting him, and he has no choice but to finally process the grief, anger, hope, regret, and sadness. Do you want to be around for that ride? Find out whether you can weather the storm.
Ask Him These Questions
A recently divorced man is usually defined as someone who has been divorced within the past year or two. But some women might argue that it’s the very recently divorced men – say, within a few months of splitting – who are the biggest wild cards. Here are some of the questions you will want to consider getting to the bottom of, to save yourself heartbreak.
- What were the circumstances of the divorce? Learning about the circumstances of his divorce can help you decide whether you want to continue dating him. Was the divorce mutual? Amicable? Was there infidelity? Did he call it quits or did she leave him? You can learn a lot about a person from how they’ve behaved in their divorce, and how they talk about their former spouse afterward.
- What is the parenting time arrangement? Dating in a culture that is full of divorce means you are likely to encounter a potential partner who already has children (and you may have kids of your own). Parenting time absolutely changes the circumstances of dating, from how often you get to spend time together to how the relationship is paced.
- Am I the first person you’ve dated? Being the rebound woman isn’t always such a bad thing, but if you aren’t aware that you are the rebound, your feelings can get trampled on quickly. Some men on the rebound are racking up as many dates and one-night-stands as possible, while others latch onto the next woman in their life just to be in a comforting relationship situation again, whether they’re all that into you or not.
Consider These Facts
In many cases, a newly divorced man has been off the market for a while. For baby boomers, it’s potentially been decades. For younger couples, it’s perhaps been a few years. No matter how long his absence from the dating scene, the reality is that the modern dating world is very different from years ago. Online dating, texting, ghosting, social media – the many ways a man can get in touch (or not get in touch) can turn an otherwise confident woman into a stumbling, paranoid teenager.
- Newly divorced men may not be emotionally available. While some men rejoice in the end of their marriage, happily skipping into the future, others will mourn the union’s demise for quite some time. Their ability to be emotionally available for a new partner is limited as they are dealing with heavy and raw emotions like pain, anger, and loss.
- He’s probably suffering financially. Even well-off men can find themselves feeling the financial pinch after a divorce. It’s possible they’re paying spousal support and child support, while also contributing to their former household and the new home they’ve established. Expensive dates and major wooing isn’t going to be in the cards for this guy, so don’t be surprised if he doesn’t pull out all the stops.
- You may become a therapist. When the man you’re dating starts to unload on you about his ex, the venting can quickly turn your romantic relationship into a patient-therapist situation. It’s not your job to counsel him or make him happy. Set your boundaries, know what’s acceptable to you, and don’t accept anything less.
Ultimately, dating a recently divorced man comes down to one major question: Is he capable of meeting your needs? Perhaps you are recently divorced too, or you’ve been burned by a few years of unsuccessful dating, or you’ve never been married. In any case, tread carefully if you aren’t already. Self-preservation is especially important when dating a newly divorced man. His emotions and wishy-washy behavior and mood fluctuations don’t make him a bad guy – they just might make him the wrong guy for you right now.
Divorce isn’t easy for anyone, and that goes for the new love interest of a recently divorced man in Michigan. At Femminineo Attorneys in Mt. Clemens, MI, we meet with our clients in a free initial interview to discuss your divorce and what the future will bring.