“Narcissist” is a word often used to describe someone who is self-absorbed or focused on only their needs. True narcissistic personality disorder, though, is much more nuances, serious, and life-altering for the person who realizes they have married – and now need to divorce – a true narcissist.
Are You Married to a Narcissist?
In a loving relationship, mentally stable individuals can give empathy, attention, and love to a partner, child, sibling, or friend. When you’re married to a narcissist, you may think you are on the receiving end of these behaviors, but are likely to recognize symptoms of narcissism over time:
- Attention-seeking. Turn attention back to them through words or actions for constant validation.
- Grandiosity. Make statements of self-importance to show prowess, importance, intelligence, or superiority.
- Perfectionism. Establish unrealistic standards so everything around them suits their idea of perceived perfection, from spouse to children to home.
- Controlling. Expect certain behavior from the people in their lives, including spouse and children, most especially to bow to their will and beliefs.
- No boundaries. Disrespect other people’s limits, no matter how large or small.
- Lack of empathy. Insensitive to the feelings of others, even partner and children.
People with narcissistic personality disorder also have a lack of accountability, insecurity, deflection, trust issues, anxiety, disconnection, and shame. Therapy can help manage some symptoms and improve relationships, but the condition is considered incurable. Mental health professionals recommend establishing and firmly maintaining boundaries if there is a narcissist in your life. If you are married to a narcissist, this may mean divorce.
Why People Stay Married to Narcissists
With observation and time, it can become clear that something is not right with the dynamics of a relationship where one person has a constant need for admiration and sense of self-importance. People may stay married to narcissists out of love, but also because of financial concerns, codependency and especially:
- Fear. Verbal abuse, gaslighting, and manipulation are hallmarks of narcissistic personality disorder. When married to a narcissist who exhibits these traits, fear has been pushed onto you to keep you where the narcissist wants.
- Conditioning. Living with a narcissist makes a person conditioned to their responses. They tell you something is true when you know the opposite, for example, and you may feel obliged to believe them. Recognizing narcissistic behavior is the first hurdle. Saying no to it is the hardest part.
- Children. A narcissist may imply they will get full custody of your children, or you may fear that not giving them what they want could be dangerous for your kids. These are not baseless worries, but they are one reason why you must hire a divorce attorney. In a divorce, parental fitness is evaluated and experts are trained to look beyond charm and charisma to the true mental health of both parents.
Free Yourself from a Narcissist with a Michigan Divorce
Living with a narcissist is difficult but they will never change, so to deal with them, you need to break from them or accept them as they are. Should you choose to divorce your partner with narcissistic personality disorder, you will need to be prepared and have a strong legal support system to back you up. Contact Michigan Divorce Help in Mt. Clemens, MI, to discuss your case, circumstances, concerns, and how to move forward.
This blog post is not a substitute for legal advice. Consult a mental health professional for advice about narcissistic personality disorder.